I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
