my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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