Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
