she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
