u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
