She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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