She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
