her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
