yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
