doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
