they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
