I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
