my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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