why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
