I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
