Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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