just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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