I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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