oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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