Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
