I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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