So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize