so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
