There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
