he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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