you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
