4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
