She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
