fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
