In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
