so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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