There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
