Whoa Z and x make the same sound
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
