She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
