I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
