Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
