Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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