You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
