Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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