apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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