I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
