i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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