so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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