it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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