My first STD was from a foam party
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Let's get the cat blown out
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
