Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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