I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
