I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
