i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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