strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
