I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
