I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
