Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
