We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
