At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
