Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
