They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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