i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
