Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
