grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
