either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
where does the pee come out of this thing
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
