i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
