I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
