if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
