omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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