Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
