Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
