If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
