Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
