No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
