i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
