Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
