WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Two words: nipple clamps
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