Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
